Snowfall
by brokenfate117
Summary: How Jaq became Atton the complete story. PreKotor2.


Jaq's grip tightened mercilessly. The Jedi fought for breath, clawing savagely at the gloved fingers wrapped around his neck. So savage that he'd forgotten his connection to the Force...so savage that he didn't realize that he could easily kill the assassin. His wide blue eyes were terrified and remained that way even after his hands had dropped onto his still chest. He was savage no more. Jaq checked the Jedi's pulse with his free hand before freeing the neck. He took the Jedi's abandoned lightsaber from the ground and examined it, then activated it and used the blade's cyan glow to check his surroundings. Once he knew where he was, he snapped the lightsaber off, slipped it into his backpack, and headed back to base. 

The snow quietly crunching beneath his steps reminded Jaq of his first time killing a Jedi Knight. It seemed to have been centuries ago, but it was really just a short while. It was so easy, so simple. He was surprised that not many of the others managed to realize that. So when they got into groups in the mess halls and began to tell amazing war stories of how they had fought against Jedi, Jaq would silently move away.

When he started, he hadn't really like having to kill, but it wasn't difficult, either. Now, it didn't bother him at all. It was just one of those things that kept him busy other than pazaak. When killing Jedi, he rarely physically battled them- to do so would be akin to committing suicide in the stupidest way possible...other than being killed by gizka. But even killing regular footsoldiers with blasters or vibroblades was still simple. Maybe he had just that much more luck than his enemies, but he didn't really care if they died as long as they actually _died_. The only difference between footsoldiers and Jedi was that the latter tended to be more stubborn.

Jaq paused in front of the entrance to the hidden base and smiled thinly. Another Jedi was nearby. In the base. The others...the idiots...were still alive and hadn't noticed the Jedi's presence at all. Jaq closed his eyes and realized the Jedi was in ihis/i quarters. An assassin...? No, Jedi didn't assassinate. Who knew, maybe it was just a coincidence. Jaq glanced behind him at the darkness falling across the snow. It seemed a fitting background, somehow. Rightful darkness overtaking the false light.

He made his way into the base, nodding occasionally to those who greeted him. Not many did; he was part of a separate assassination squad. They didn't tend to socialize with the regular soldiers, as each found the other's methods crude or cowardly. Jaq didn't care- both ways got the job done. Both ways killed Jedi. That was all that mattered, really. So Jaq made it to his quarters easily and pulled out the recently killed Jedi's lightsaber from his backpack, just in case. No one but the Jedi was nearby. Then he opened the doors to his quarters and stepped in, despite his surprise at what he saw.

A woman older than he and swathed in Jedi robes was sitting on the floor in the middle of his quarters, meditating. Her lightsaber was clipped to her belt. When Jaq entered, she opened her yellow-brown eyes and looked up, a small, sad smile on her face. "Hello, Atton."

"I'm not-"

"Ah, my mistake. You look like someone I once knew...his name was Atton. Are you sure you aren't him?" She looked at him carefully, curiously. Her eyes were bright, but they didn't have the same terrified gleam as the Jedi from earlier. "You...feel like him as well."

"I'm not." What was this crazy Jedi doing here, anyway?

"Of course. But listen, Atton."

"I'm not-"

"-Force sensitive? Yes, you are." The Jedi blinked.

"I'm not..." Jaq paused. "What?"

She reached out to him with the Force, making quick work of his mental barricades. They shattered before her, sending cracks of pain throughout his body. It was pain like stinging medication on an open wound. The lightsaber dropped from Jaq's grip. "D...dammit, what-"

Suddenly he could see. His eyes were shut, but everything was visible to him, in sharp contrasts of red and blue, black and white. Ahead of him was the female Jedi, made up of blue-tinted white mist. Looking down, he saw scarlet red hands attached to burned black wrists, darkening as they went up to meet the arms.

"You can see, can't you, Atton?"

"I-I'm no-not-"

Jaq's voice was strained, stuttering and tight. He gasped as the Jedi pushed further with the Force, into his mind, showing him the Force, releasing more pain as she did so. A sudden desire to kill the woman rose into his mind, erecting a weak shield against the pain. The Jedi knocked it down, relentless and brutal.

"You can see the truth now, can't you, Atton?"

"I-"

Jaq dropped to his knees, his breaths quick and short. Sweat dripped down his face and his muscles tightened. The pain was unbearable. At that moment, he would do anything to stop it. Jaq's hand reached the fallen lightsaber and he gripped it tightly as one would a lifeline. Vertigo overtook him and a powerful hate coursed through him, sending bloody streaks of red spiderwebbing across the floor, the walls, everything except the woman before him.

"You can see the reason for this, can't you, Atton?"

"I-I'm-"

He saw the Jedi standing in front of him, bending over a dead field. As she passed her hand over the cracked ground, pure white snow appeared. She straightened and waved a hand through the hot, dry, dusty air, filling it with clean frigid snowflakes and silver clouds. Jaq watched her in silence as she continued through the flat, endless area. Soon, snowflakes began to fall from the heavens, leaving circles of white as they landed on his skin.

"You can see the reason for the truth now, can't you, Atton?"

"I'm-I'm n-I-"

A second woman appeared, standing in one of the broken areas. She was grey, with edges of red. As the first Jedi continued healing the vast expanse- oblivious of everything but spreading snow- the white lightened and the red faded to blue. The second woman smiled slightly, sending a shiver down Jaq's spine. It was beautiful, and seemed so out of place in the dead landscape. She watched the first Jedi with content interest, then turned to Jaq. Her smile grew, brightened, and the black sky turned white.

"You can see why this is happening and the drive behind it now, can't you, Atton?"

"I'm-I'm no-I'm not-"

Jaq activated the lightsaber, releasing him from the Force vision. That's what it was, he knew. A vision inflicted by the crazy Jedi. Waves of emotion rolled over him, mixing unpleasantly. Hate, love, fear, bravery, elation, sorrow...and pain. The pain had only stopped during the Force vision. Jaq swallowed with difficulty, then clenched his teeth. He wanted- no, he needed- to kill the Jedi, if only to stop the pain. Yes, he would _love _to kill her now...

"You see, Atton?"

"I'm-I'm not- A-"

He stared at the blue lightsaber through closed eyes. Why...why was it the same colour as his skin? Hadn't he, moments before, been black and red? An image of the second smiling woman appeared, and Jaq moved forward slightly. What did that Jedi do? Why was she doing it? Couldn't she have just left him alone, not come and shatter everything like this? But he felt it...the Force. It coursed through him, bright and ridiculously obvious. By healing his mind, filling it with snow instead of constant dull pain, and replacing it with cold, emotionless anguish, she had helped him. He knew this. He knew that what the Jedi had done was good and loving.

"Don't you see, Atton?"

He lunged forward, plunging the lightsaber through her chest, and dragging it across her body. She fell, the small smile still on her dead face. The pain stopped, but the connection to the Force was still there.

"I'm...I'm not...Jaq."


End file.
